New stuff I learned

Conversation between my daughter and her kids:

Dakota (age 6): Mom, why is grass green?

Kat (his mother): Because God made it that way.

Dakota: Mom, did God go to college?

Kat: I do not know .

Dakota: I think he had to go to college, how else could he be everywhere, know everything, and see everyone at the same time?

Sabastian (age 8):  that's easy, dufus, SURVEILIANCE CAMERAS! DUH!

That explains Omnipresence better than any of my theology professors did.

Today was field trip day to the fire safety house. At one point, a fireman exited the house with Dakota in tow.  “Who belongs to this little guy?”

My red faced daughter asked “Okay – what did he do?”

“Well, when I asked the kids what they should do when the smoke detector goes off, he raised his hand and said, ‘At my house we wave a rag in front of it until it stops and Mommy closes the oven door.’”

I heard that some people use the smoke detector as a kitchen timer.

Last night Letterman said “When your wife and your mistress both show up at the mine site to witness your rescue, maybe half a mile down into the earth is the safest place for you to be.”

Makes sense to me.

MIL’s dog is eating the kitty’s play mice.  We know this because we’re finding them when we clean the yard.

And I thought her eating paper was a  problem.

Most Europeans don’t refrigerate their eggs.  They leave them in an  egg holder or basket in the kitchen. This is because most European eggs come fairly fresh from the hen, not from cold storage for weeks or months before you get them at Wal-mart.

This one I knew from living in Holland for a year.

Human beings are the only species on the planet that continues to drink milk after we’re weaned, and the milk we drink comes from another species.  Everything the USDA Lobby has us convinced that we need milk for can be gotten from other sources that should be part of a nutritious diet.  75% of children diagnosed ADHD would stop presenting symptoms within two weeks if taken completely off of the USDA’s ‘three glasses a day’ recommendation.

I have read this in a number of places, and experienced it with my grandchildren.  No milk is much less expensive than doctor’s office visits and drugs.

It turns out that the little pig did, in fact, cry wee, wee, wee all the way home.

I always kind of suspected that.