Saturday, March 19, 2016

Mean Grumpy Old Man

The Offending Offspring
and her own little BLESSINGS from heaven
When my kids were babies, I made the promise to NEVER use "BECAUSE I SAID SO" as an an answer, not realizing, me with all that LU freshly acquired knowledge of everything there is to know about everything there is to know.

'Twasn't long before I learned that when dealing with a toddler's vastly super logic and innate ability to boggle the very firing of the synaptic neurons of a certified PhD, (I had to learn words like that to out boggle them) that sometimes you are bound by the father's code to us the dreaded words.

Well, not I, said I to myself, my most rapt and attentive audience. I will make a VOW - SWEAR AN OATH to never utter the dreaded words. WE, of the royal sort, shall out boggle the toddlers, who, after all, only toddle, and occasionally poo their nappies, but clever timing can get US (still royal) out of that, too. WE shall royally declare in its stead "BECAUSE I'M A MEAN GRUMPY OLD MAN!"

There's a reason God said to never make vows or swear oaths on earth (But above all, my brethren, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath. But let your “Yes” be “Yes,” and your “No,” “No,” lest you fall into judgment.James 5:12).

The first time WE uttered our clever utterance, OUR youngest child impaled OUR heart (and OUR funny bone) by sticking her lower lip out so far a Tomcat could land on it, began to quiver it with miniature earthquake proportions, tears falling as rain from her tiny blue eyes as she loudly, determinedly and vociferously proclaimed "you're not mean and you're not grumpy and you're not old!" (4 U of the TEXTI GENR8SHUN, that's UR NOT MEEN & UR NOT GRMPY & UR NOT OLD)

Over time "you're not old" got misplaced, and one day, when WE must have really annoyed OUR wee one, the abbreviated version had several stuttered, faltering false starts before she finally said, with great determination, vehemence, and abrupt finality, YEAH, YOU ARE!

For Fathers day that year I got a customized T with a Gold cup on the front emblazoned with the words #1 Dad.

The back read MEAN, GRUMPY, OLD MAN!

I Wore it until there was not enough of it left to wear.

Fishin Just Ain't the Same from the Balcony

We Christians interpret the words of Christ in the oddest ways. Now, before all you fine, upstanding, tithing, Sunday School attending members in good standing of the FIRST SELF-RIGHTEOUS CHURCH of ANYTOWN, US of A start to accuse this humble journalist of being judgmental, allow me the opportunity to offer the defense of the Word of God, yes indeed, the very RED LETTER words themselves spoken by none other than Jesus Christ Himself, and ever so humbly observed by this unworthy worm of a man, so undeserving of God’s Amazing, I said God’s AMAZING GRACE, CAN I GET AN AMEN!, simply and humbly observed in the behavior of our fellow FSRC’ers, just as Jesus observed it in the handpicked followers who denied him and ran and hid after Calvary, are you with me brothers and sisters, will somebody say AMEN! I humbly observe but Our Lord Jesus in these very red letters, that that saint of a man, Jerry Falwell himself blessed with a gift of $25 dollars to Liberty Baptist college and snowboard ministry, hallelujah, in the very same King James Version that Paul preached from, through His Holy Spirit gave me a message about reaching the lost and brothers and sisters we’re doing it all wrong, so if you ain’t wearing them now, while the choir warms up run on home and get you your steel toed shoes, because, well let’s just say now might be a good time to go put them on. Get the dirty, greasy, grimy work boot ones, too, not the fancy shop foreman or union steward ones that don’t get anywhere close to real dirt. Now don’t you go looking at me on that tone of voice. My work experience included 12 years on the automobile assembly line at the Oldsmobile factory in Lansing Michigan in a variety of capacities including, but not limited to pit body bolt banger, engine line water valve installation, housekeeping, paint inspection and repair, supervisor and others, and not too put too fine a point on it, but I’m gonna be mashing some toes today, and you better come back because sister Edith May Elizabeth Poole, out homely but single and efficient treasurer has already taken roll. Ya’ll Come back, now. Y’Hear?
18 And Jesus, walking by the Sea of Galilee, saw two brothers, Simon called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen. 19 Then He said to them, Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.” 20 They immediately left their nets and followed Him
Matthew 4:18-20.
There are several significant things I want you to see now that we’re beyond the frivolous part and into the serious part.
1.      Peter, then called Simon, and his brother, Andrew, were already doing the job when Jesus found them and called them. They were already fisherman. The concept wasn’t t=something they needed to learn. They understood what fishing was about. All Jesus did was change their bait and the type of fish they were going to go after, as well as the method of fishing and reason to fish. Before they fished to eat. Now they would fish to see men’s lives changed.
2.      All the responsibility was on Jesus. Peter and Andrew had to do two things which were really one thing. They had to trust Jesus, and they had to obey him. In fact, obeying Jesus was doing both. You might even say trusting Jesus was doing both. We sing that hymn:
Trust and obey
For there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus
But to trust and obey!
3.      They immediately went looking for fish. I think that’s the biggest mistake the 21st century church makes. We sit in the balcony, cast our lines into the pews below, filled mostly with Christ followers for whole it is our mission to disciple and try to reel in the already saved! Look what Jesus said to do:
a.       23 Then He said to them all, If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. 24 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. 25 For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost? 26 For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, of him the Son of Man will be ashamed when He comes in His own glory, and in His Father’s, and of the holy angels. 27 But I tell you truly, there are some standing here who shall not taste death till they see the kingdom of God.” Luke 9:23-27
b.       1 After these things the Lord appointed seventy others also, and sent them two by two before His face into every city and place where He Himself was about to go. Then He said to them, The harvest truly is great, but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest. Luke 10:1-2
c.       18 And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Amen.” Matthew 28:18-20
d.      But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” Acts 1:8
In every single instance Jesus said GO. Never once did He say build building, make programs, advertise, give stuff away, build mega personality cults with multiple campuses and 1 pastor preaching to all of them via video with puppet pastors at each campus. Jesus spoke plainly, simply, directly, so much so an idiot like me could understand Him. I showed you five scriptures. In all five Scriptures Jesus said the same thing. Jesus said GO!
Now you are faced with a choice. You can keep going to that Field of Dreams (If you build it they will come – James Earl Jones) Seeker Church
“10 As it is written:
“There is none righteous, no, not one;
11 There is none who understands;
There is none who seeks after God.
12 They have all turned aside;
Romans 3:10-12
Or you can start doing what Jesus said GO GO GO GO GO!
That’s what Jesus said.

Friday, February 26, 2016

Wake up, America. We're not electing a new Pastor. A Man of God - YHWH Elohim, (not allah) but Please, Not another Sunday School Teacher

A President who is a Christ Follower would be nice, but we are not a search committee seeking a pastoral Candidate. We who are old enough to remember history remember the concerns American Voters had bout electing the Irish Catholic Rich kid from Hyannis Port, and all he had were these crazy ideas about ending racism in America, having Welfare recipients contribute something to the system to get back what they received (“Ask not what your country can do for you”) and spelled it out fot the enemy of our nation in clear, unambiguous terms.
Get those firecrackers aht of uh, Cuber, Mr. Khrushchev, or Maskaow will be a glow in the dark parking lot by breakfast time."
And when Khrushchev informed him that it was breakfast time in Moscow already?
"Is it snowing at the Kremlin, Nikita?"
"Only tiniest bit. How is it you know this, Dzhonatan Fitzgeralovich,?"
"Yawr snow is confetti dropped from a squadron of B-52 Stratopheric bombers currently circling Maskaow, Keyehv, St Sptersburg, Vladivostick, Minsk, and a couple of other locations our people believe might be , um, potential nuisances. Confetti isn’t all they’re carrying, and those boys are tired and there’s just no telling what release buttons they might accidentally release if it looks like they’re low on fuel and the upper level jet streams have blown them off coarse where they believe it’s safe to drop extra weight, or if I just get pissed off about this cowboy situation going on down in Cubar,  Are clear on this matter, Nikita Sergeyevich?" (END OF SPECULATIVE PARODY)
HISTORICAL NOTE: American U-2 high altitude flights over Cuba photographed On October 16, Kennedy was informed that U-2 flights over Cuba had discovered what were most likely medium-range missile sites, and though he and his advisors considered approaching Khrushchev through diplomatic channels, could come up with no way of doing this that would not appear weak. On October 22, Kennedy addressed his nation by television, revealing the missiles' presence and announcing a blockade of Cuba. Informed in advance of the speech but not (until one hour before) the content, Khrushchev and his advisors feared an invasion of Cuba. Even before Kennedy's speech, they ordered Soviet commanders in Cuba that they could use all weapons against an attack—except atomic weapons.
By October 25, with the Soviets unclear about Kennedy's full intentions, Khrushchev decided that the missiles would have to be withdrawn from Cuba. Two days later, he offered Kennedy terms for the withdrawal.
For taking these kinds of stands against civil unrest, communism, socialism, etcetera, the CIA and the Democrat Party had John Fitzgerald Kennedy, the only Democrat President in my lifetime to actually attempt to improve life for people of color and other minorities, assassinated. They tried again with Reagan but the old man's reflexes were better, (End of the speculative fiction portion of our story, although I believe this paragraph is true enough.).
We voted to get a preacher instead of a skilled politician with knowledge of how government works and a firm commitment to the constitution and people when elected Jimmy Carter. You may recall that, that little social science experiment ended up with the nation in double digit unemployment, doubly digit inflation, and the Embassy in Tehran holding American citizens hostage for 444 days, or slightly more than 1/4th of Mr. Carters Presidency.
And for those of you who may have forgotten, The current occupant campaigned on the Christianity bandwagons of Reverends Jeremiah "God D*** America" Wright, Jesse "I wanna be MLK When I Grow Up" Jackson, Al "I owe the IRS more money than most big bankrupt Businesses and get away with it because I'm Black" Sharpton, and Minister (I use the term extremely loosely) Louis Farrakhan, quotes from the Qur'an by memory in perfectly accented arabic, Kisses the rings of Saudi Kings and has done everything in his power to convert our Constitutional Republic of Checks and Balances of, by and for the PEOPLE into an Islamic Caliphate of, by, and for ALLAH and his profit (sic) BARRACK HUSSEIN ALI- OBABA.
No, my friends, we don't need to elect a preacher. Read your Scriptures. The people wanted a King. God said. Follow my instructions delivered to you by my anointed prophets and my Priests. But the people insisted and threw a temper tantrum. They held their national breaths until Israel turned 12 shades of Blue. They tore their clothes, lay on the ground and stamped their angry little feet and cried bid righteous crocodile tears.
They used Debate 101 tactics with God. Or 3rd Grade 101 tactics. They are Remarkably similar:
"It's just not fair" Every other kid in the world has a King but us! Every time we go to the flea market or Disney World or War, it's the same old thing. The ones who are still alive because we were disobedient and didn't kill them off because they make cute house slaves or nanny's, they start in with this same old tired "Yeah, well, you may have kicked our butts on the battle field, but at least we had a King for you to cut his head off!
So God gave them Saul, and that worked out really well for them, didn't it.
We need to spend the next 256 days on our knees - no - on our faces - prostrate before the throne of God practicing the first half of Second Chronicles 7:14:
·         HUMBLE OURSELVES (that's the lay prostrate part)
·         PRAY (talk to your Heavenly Father – but listen, too)
·         SEEK HIS FACE (diligently pour out your heart to God confess to Him what he already knows about your sinful condition.)
·         REPENT (180° turn away – change of heart, mind, thoughts, ideas, practices, habits, anything that is offensive to God. Get rid of it.)
These are the four things that always pave the way for Revival. In the History of American Revival, NEVER has it begun in a stadium or mega church meeting - the ones that have swept our nation have always begun with God's people in small groups praying for the Holy Spirit to move among them.
When this happens the second half of 7:14 happens.
·         God Hears from Heaven,
·         Forgives Sin,
·         Heals the Land.
Daniel 2:6-23 is this principle in action. There's more in the whole of Chapter two, but this is the meat of it:
“16 So Daniel went in and asked the king to give him time, that he might tell the king the interpretation. 17 Then Daniel went to his house, and made the decision known to Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah, his companions, 18 that they might seek mercies from the God of heaven concerning this secret, so that Daniel and his companions might not perish with the rest of the wise men of Babylon. 19 Then the secret was revealed to Daniel in a night vision. So Daniel blessed the God of heaven.
“20 Daniel answered and said: “Blessed be the name of God forever and ever, For wisdom and might are His. 21 And He changes the times and the seasons; He removes kings and raises up kings; He gives wisdom to the wise And knowledge to those who have understanding. 22 He reveals deep and secret things; He knows what is in the darkness, And light dwells with Him. 23 “I thank You and praise You, O God of my fathers; You have given me wisdom and might, And have now made known to me what we asked of You, For You have made known to us the king’s demand.”
I beg you. We have 256 days. Pray and meditate on these and other Scriptures. Listen to the candidates. Research their backgrounds. Determine for yourself who’s telling the truth and who isn’t. Don’t let the polls and the networks decide these things for you. They all have agendas that aren’t necessarily in your favor. Businesses endorse a candidate for one reason and one reason only. They expect quid pro quo in the future.
When November 8, 2016 comes around, PLEASE don't vote as you would for a for a preacher or a new pastor. Vote for a LEADER. One who will listen when men of God and men of wisdom speak to him. One who will hear the still, small voice of God.