I think it’s a part of some sinister government plot. I fully expect to read that this is one of the CLASSIFIED top secret Black Ops that Wiki-Leaks is only now revealing to the world. This is the one that has Nancy Pelosi running for the comfort of her borrowed Gulfstream – the one California taxpayers are paying for with the money they’re collecting from small business owners who make mistakes when filing payroll tax reports.
It involves them A-rabs too! Muslim Extremists. Allie Snackbar and all them other terrorists.
It starts with the new national health care program. This is the tool the guv’ment snoops are using to creep their nosey little slimy selves into every nook and cranny of our private lives...not to mention our privates!
It’s true! CNN and Fox announced it yesterday.
Microsoft says it’s the most invasive program ever.
Al Gore discovered it.
Snopes confirmed it last week.
Facebook says 93% of the people who hear about it won’t pass it on!
I’m telling you, it’s downright scary. If it weren’t for them folk over at WikiLeaks and Fox News, we’d never know.
First, they send you to a doctor who does a physical examination more invasive and revealing than a TSA undercover democrat singling out God Fearing, Republican voting Patriots trying to visit Gramma for Thanksgiving.
That’s when they get you!
They send you out for a little ‘lab’ work, which they secretly use to type and match you to the Conservative DNA database. The piece de resistance is the pooh smear, an indignity which they require you to perform on yourself on successive days, thereby effectively keeping you from spreading the word while you’re spreading something far more ominous on their magic little smear card. A microscopic scrap of cloneable stem cell materials encased in protective pooh which they can later genetically engineer to produce an evil, Acorn supporting version of you.
Naturally, something microscopically ‘suspect’ comes back, so they send you for a referral to the undercover third world geneticist, who says you need a small ‘procedure’- for your own good.
Their minions all nod wordlessly in agreement, smiling as you sign your future away.
They send you home with a solution you must use allegedly to flush the free radicals and random bits of pooh from your system, when in fact the solution is filled with billions of microscopic nannites which begin the process of transforming themselves into battery acid, and taking over your body. You are denied sustenance for 24 hours because they know food has the power to disrupt the invisible robotic devices now swimming freely throughout your system, building tiny implant stations in your large intestines and colon.
Finally they lure you to the implant station where they anesthetize you and snake tiny cameras throughout your digestive tract. You wait for two hours in a food and coffee filled room to soften you up while they ‘find’ your misplaced paperwork.
They tell you that they are looking for anomalies, but the truth is that they are making certain that the nano-probes are in place, effectively awaiting the microwave radio command to begin your transformation which will suddenly come bursting through your chest and attach itself to someone’s face to begin the takeover..
Finally, when you are filled with microscopic GPS locators and genetic sculpting material, they wake you up, hand you a bill and tell you to return to your normal life, but the damage is done.
Somewhere, somehow, sometime in the future, they will unleash the terror, and you will be one of them.
I know this all sounds like delusional paranoia, or at best, bad script writing for a new Rick Berman Star Trek series, but it’s true. Every word of it.
I know. I am now a bearer of ‘the seed’. They have a code name for it that was leaked at the WikiLeaks site yesterday before the storm troopers stormed it and shut it down. Memorize this word. It’s your only means or escape and survival.
The word is ‘colonoscopy’. Destroy all copies of this communication.