Saturday, May 21, 2011

End of the World OOPS

I’m a little late getting this out.  Sorry.  I was at an End of the World party that fizzled because, well, the thing is, the world didn’t end.  I’m kinda of upset about the whole think, frankly.  I mean, it was on the internet and all, so it had to be real, right?  But just like back in 1994, this guy had the wrong date.  Again.  And before him, Jack Van Impe had the wrong date.   And before him Hal Lindsey had the wrong date.  And Herbert W. Armstrong.  And before him, Jim Jones, and before him that guy with the white beard and sandwich sign walking up and down Sunset Boulevard.  Or is Rodeo Drive?  I always get them mixed up.  The street, not the guy with the sign.  Him, I got right.
He’s been faithfully marching back and forth ever since Adam and Eve got their eviction notice from the Garden of Eden, which, strangely enough, based on the latest satellite images looks a lot like Jeter’s place.
And if you look closely, he’s right there on the right hand side, down by the water, calmly walking back and forth in his Fakeley’s and Birkenstocks, and that ancient sign: “REPENT: FOR THE END OF THE WORLD IS AT HAND” on one side and “Genießen Sie den Blick, Baby” which is the last thing Maria Schriver said when she showed Arnie the door.
It’s an old schtick, you know what I mean?  Between God telling people what He was going to do (but not when, if you’ll take the Great Flood as an exception to the rule – he gave humanity lots of warning for that) and people creating their own gods to do their dirty work for them (worship my god my or he says I have to kill you, because the voices in my head the voices in your head are full of …of wait – family show.  Sorry)  But the point is ever since there have been humans on this planet, and especially since they divided up into groups, someone from one group has always been telling everyone else he –or she – has secret inside information, a special calendar, gold tablets written in an unknown language, and a secret decoder ring (presumable for the secret language) that gives away the big secret of when the world is gonna end.  From Adam to Noah to Daniel to the disciples to John to the Bible Scholars and false scholars of today.
The Disciples asked Jesus point blank in Matthew 24:3: “Now as He sat on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to Him privately, saying, “Tell us, when will these things be? And what will be the sign of Your coming, and of the end of the age?”
The answer Jesus gives is three pages long, but can be summarized with this single statement (verse 36):
“But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, but My Father only.”
Not Adam, not Noah, not Daniel, not the Twelve, not Jesus when he walked this earth, not the angels, not Hal Lindsey, Jack Van Impe, Jim Jones, Herbert W.  Armstrong, not this latest guy who got it wrong 17 years ago too, and not the Mayans either, so you probably don’t need to sweat the December 2012 thing either.
There is a problem inherent to all of this, and it’s sort of like selective memory or selective hearing.  It’s selectively believing the Bible.  The Bible says Jesus is going to come again and there is a time when the world will be destroyed.  However (that PC for ‘but’) that’s not all the Bible says.  The Bible also says there are a bunch of things that are going to happen before all those end times things happen.  Some of them will be concurrent.  That’s OK, we believe that part.  The Bible also says people who believe in Jesus as their savior are the ONLY ones who will go to heaven.  EVERYONE ELSE is going to go to hell, and hell is a real place, and once you die no one can pray you in or out of either one or the other.  The Bible also says there will be false teachers in the end times. That’s a nice word for LIARS.  Who are these liars?  The ones with national television programs telling you that all roads lead to God.  The ones telling us Allah and YhWh are the same.  Oh yeah – the ones telling you the world is gonna end on May 21st.  He’s a liar too.  He’s not mistaken.  He didn’t misinterpret a calendar.  God said “No one knows but me.”  This preacher said “Me too.  I know too.”  He is a false teacher/false prophet.  HE IS A LIAR.  Yeah.  A liar.  Yes, there are absolutes.  That’s one of them.  God is Who He said He is, and does and knows what He says does and  knows or God is a liar.  Those are really the only options.
That’s your choice.  Who are you going to believe?
God who said “I’m not gonna tell you” or a preacher who said “Nu-huh – He told me”.  If you’ve lost your score card, the Preacher is still 0 for 2.  That makes him a false prophet.  A Liar.  In the old Testament, God’s people would have executed him for being. A false prophet.  Bet he’ laying real low today and being very thankful he didn’t make that claim when Moses was around.
Here’s the thing.  If I’m still alive when that time does come, I won’t be here to say I told you so, or to join in on the post rapture looting.  I’ll be part of that group of which Paul says “For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord.”  1 Thessalonians 4 :16-17.  Right after this part, Paul says ‘oh, by the way – watch for it, because you ain’t gonna see it coming.  It will sneak up on you like a thief in the night.  Lots of people will tell you they have it figured out, but they’re all lying through their teeth.  Don’t let them fool you.’
That’s my paraphrase.  Paul words were far more eloquent.
So if you’re thinking you missed the big event and can skip church tomorrow?  Nope.  Sorry to disappoint you.  The event didn’t happen.  But just in case – find a church for tomorrow where you can get the low down on how you can be ready when it does happen, and my friend, it is going to happen, and if you’re not ready for it, I promise you won’t be attending looting parties or laughing.
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